A modest proposal: How to bring peace and security to Iraq

From VFR reader James:

You write:

“Thus: In America we don’t need a dictator to keep different religious denominations from killing each other and blowing up each other’s churches, therefore the Iraqis shouldn’t need one either. But they do.”

Thank God that Saddam is still alive! Here’s the letter we need to see:

Most Honorable Saddam,

Sorry about that little misunderstanding, but as I misunderestimated the scope and complexity of the task at hand I would like to offer Iraq back to you. It’s yours as long as none of your soldiers or missiles crosses a border, you don’t gas even one Kurd or try to shoot down my daddy’s plane again. Any violation of these preconditions and we turn the whole place to glass.

As a gesture of conciliation I would like to invite you to my Crawford ranch for a barbecue. Guests planning to attend include two of my dearest friends, Vincente Fox, future Governor of the New Southwest Mexican Territories, and Bill Clinton, future UN Secretary General (President of the World). Harriet will be absent as she has been in a deep funk since her Court TV audition went badly and Karen will be busy taking her Islam for Dummies final exam. For Neil it’s “business” as usual in Dubai and Jeb is still up to his armpits in alligators. Grover will be down to whip up the best falafel you’ve ever eaten, certainly the best I’ve had since it became a staple on the White House menu. Laura will definitely be available to serve as hostess as she has taken the precaution of prepaying the girls’ bondsman. If you like, fly in a day early to enjoy a round of golf with “41” and “42.” I look forward to your attendance, “Bro.”

Sincerely,
GWB

P.S. My apologies for wasting your heirs and successors.

Posted by Lawrence Auster at February 26, 2006 01:15 AM | Send