Talkin’ Little Green Footballs Paranoid Blues

My thoughts on Patrick Buchanan’s C-SPAN interview are quoted at the Brussels Journal today. Uh-oh! I’m in real trouble now. If Brussels Journal approvingly quotes me, then according to Charles Johnson I’m associated with the dread Belgian conservative party Vlaams Belang which Brussels Journal has defended, which means that I’m a, uh, Nazi sympathizer or something. You know, along with those real hard-core Nazi types like Bat Ye’or and Diana West.

Ever since he got on his kick against Vlaams Belang, Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs has turned into a parody of the Communist hunter satirized by Bob Dylan in his 1962 song, “Talkin’ John Birch Paranoid Blues.” (Here’s a live performance from 1964.) So I’ve changed “Communists” and “Reds” in Dylan’s song to “Euro-Nationalists,” and “John Birch Society” to “Little Green Footballs,” made a couple of other changes, and the result pretty much gives the mentality of Charles and his Lizards:

Talkin’ Little Green Footballs Paranoid Blues

Well, I was feeling sad and feeling blue,
I didn’t know what in the world I was gonna do,
Them Euro-Nationalists they was comin’ around,
They was in the air,
They was on the ground.
They wouldn’t give me no peace…

So I went online most hurriedly
And registered at Little Green Footballs
I got me a secret membership card
And started Googling for them neo-Nazi types.
Yee-hoo, I’m a real LGF-er now!
Look out, you Fascist sympathizers! …

Well, I was lookin’ everywhere for them traditional conservatives,
I got up in the morning ‘n’ looked under my bed,
Looked in the sink, behind the door,
Looked in the glove compartment of my car.
Couldn’t find ‘em …

I was looking high an’ low for them Euro-Nationalists everywhere,
I was looking in the sink an’ underneath the chair.
I looked way up my chimney hole,
I even looked deep inside my toilet bowl.
They got away …

Well, I was sitting home alone and started to sweat,
Figured they was in my T.V. set.
Peeked behind the picture frame,
Got a shock from my feet, hitting right up in my brain.
Them Euro-Nationalists caused it!
I know they did … them hard-core ones.

Well, I quit my job so I could work alone,
Then I changed my name to Sherlock Holmes.
Followed some clues from my detective bag
And I discovered the Declaration of Independence said that Americans are “one people”!
That ol’ Tom Jefferson …

Well, I investigated all the books in the library,
Ninety percent of ‘em gotta be burned away.
I investigated all the people that I know,
Ninety-eight percent of them gotta go.
The other two percent are fellow LGF-ers … just like me…

Well, I finally started thinking straight
When I run outa things to investigate.
Couldn’t imagine doing anything else,
So now I’m sittin’ home investigatin’ myself!
Hope I don’t find out nothin’ … hmm, great God!

Based on Bob Dylan’s “Talkin’ John Birch Paranoid Blues” Copyright 1970 Special Rider Music

Posted by Lawrence Auster at December 19, 2007 05:03 PM | Send