Speaking up for another oppressed minority

Philip M. writes from England:

After years of trying to find the perfect minority-community soapbox to whinge from I have finally found the answer. My new ambition is to become the pre-eminent scholar of Drunken Studies at Oxford University, and to be a passionate advocate on behalf of the Drunken Community. If the police came to my door I would say to them, “You are profiling me as a drunkard. Because of your previous negative experiences with drunks you are making prejudiced assumptions about my behaviour based on nothing more than the fact that we may have a common love of being drunk. I only ask to be treated as an individual and not be held responsible for the crimes of a minority of the Drunken Community”

If I were stopped by the police in my car I would slur to them, “I suppose I’m guilty of the crime of “driving while drunk,” eh officer? He would reply “well, actually sir, driving while drunk is an offence.” But I would reply that this is because all the laws have been framed by the Sober Community and in no way reflect the aspirations and cultural norms of my Drunken Community.

Being drunk all the time would also have the fringe benefit of making me insensible to the fact that I live in New-Labour Britain.

Anyway, as we say in the Drunk Community, it’s your round Lawrence. Make mine a pint of bitter with a vodka and red bull chaser. Cheers!

Philip M., Englistan

Posted by Lawrence Auster at June 05, 2009 02:48 PM | Send